Avengers Hilarity
by TheMajesticLoki
Summary: A RP/Chat with one of my friends. Loki is (mildly) tame, and living in the Avengers tower with everyone else. Tony Stark IS NOT (and by that I mean is definitely) gay. Bruce and Natasha are confused and slightly alarmed. Hawkeye writes fanfiction. FrostIron (Loki/Tony Stark), mentions of Starbucks (Stucky) (Steve/Bucky). Kind of smutty at the end. Also a unicorn? Crack with plot.
1. Chapter 1

(AN: This is a chat with my friend, it isn't how I actually write. It doesn't show good writing skills, it's just funny. If you want do critique my work, go read another fic)

"So..Horses, huh?" Tony asked, smirked at Loki.

" Shut up, Stark. It was ONE TIME," Loki replied. "I suppose Thor told you that?"

"Maybe..." Tony laughed and looked around the empty room in Stark Tower and leaned in close to him. "How was it, huh?"

" It was... it was... Is it really any of your business?"

"Hm. Not really, I guess. Just a bit... Curious." Tony said.

Loki took a deep breath. "I know, I just.. It was... interesting."

"Interesting huh?" Tony crossed his arms. " I guess I'd better not get you going into the details.."

"It's cock was bigger than yours, at least."

"How are you so sure, huh?" Tony smirked. " I'd love to take you up on a bet, but this-" He pointed to himself. " Is specifically for Pepper. Too bad for you, Reindeer Games. Maybe some other time, huh?"

" I'm sure you'd like to have me, though, wouldn't you?"

"Wooooah there, Reindeer Games. Who said that?" Tony raised his hands up as if defending himself. "Where's you get that idea? I don't swing that way.."

" I'm sure, that's why you stare at Bruce's arse all the time," Loki snorted.

"Hold up." He said. "I have NEVER stared at Bruce's ho- I mean his ass. You seeing things?" Tony looked slightly offended.

" No, actually, you definitely stare at Bruce's agreeably HOT arse, and I'm not the only one that's noticed. Pepper has too," he replied. "Why do you think she suddenly disappeared off to the Caribbean or wherever?"

"...To visit friends and family..? That's what she told me, anyways. And I -" He looked at Loki. " Who said anything about his ass being HOT? You must have misheard me."

" Do you disagree? Look me in the eyes and tell me that Banner's arse isn't just delicious." Loki went over to stand in front of Tony, staring into his eyes inquisitively.

" I am pretty sure-" His eyes locked with Loki's. "That Bruce Banner's ass is NOT-" He frowns slightly and breaks contact for a moment "hot, NOR 'delicious.' "

" See, you turn into a bumbling moron when you think about it."

" I do not!"

" Hey Stark... what about MY arse?" Loki turned around and shook his ass a bit in Tony's face.

"W-What the HELL are you doing, Loki?!" Tony turned slightly red and quickly turned away from him.

"Nothing. nothing at all, Stark, though I'm beginning to question your heterosexuality by your reaction?"

"How the hell was I SUPPOSED to react to your h- Your ass in my face?!" Tony's face turned even redder.

" Well, if you were actually entirely straight, as you claim to be, you wouldn't be blushing as you are now, and you also probably wouldn't have a semi hard on," Loki pointed out

"What are you talki-" Tony looks down. "S-SHUT UP."

"Hey, guys... um.. am I interrupting something here?" Bruce asked, entering the room.

"THIS IS GOLD!" Clint whisper-shouted from the vents, video-ing the whole interaction.

" Hello Bruce," greeted Loki. "Actually, Tony has a- did you hear something?"

"I HAVE A NOTHING, REINDEER GAMES!" Tony said, turning away from them.

"Oookkkaayyy," said Bruce. "You know, I just came in here to ask Tony if he could help me with this thing down in the lab really quick, but if you're... ahem... busy... it's fine.

"Oh my God.." Clint whispered, giggling.

"S-Sure, Bruce.. What is it?" Tony said quickly, hoping to leave the awkward conversation with Loki.

" I was just wondering if you could show me how to do work this machine thing in the lab?" Bruce replied.

"Mind if I come with you guys?" Loki asked. "It isn't like I've got anything else to do. He winked casually at Tony but Bruce didn't catch it.

"U-Um, Sure. Is everything still set up?" Tony glared at Loki. "But what if you screw up the thing?" Tony didn't want Loki to screw up the thing.

" I am capable of behaving myself, Stark." He lowered his voice seductively. "Don't you trust me?"

"No, not really, Unless you forget some of the.. previous events."

" Are you honestly still upset that I threw you out of a window? That was ONE TIME."

Tony leaned closer to Loki. "And the horse was also.. ONE TIME...?"

" Horse? What horse? What are you guys talking about...?" asked Bruce

"Wait, what horse?" Clint whispers from the vents.

" But if I fucked you, it wouldn't just be one time," Loki mumbled.

"OH SHIT! I fucking heard that." Clint whisper-shouted again, Smiling triumphantly.

" I keep hearing things?" said Bruce.

" Tony.. where is Clint?" asked Loki.

"What was that, Reindeer Games?" Tony smirked.

"SHITTTTTTTTTTTT Gotta go" Clint tried to scramble away quietly.

" Nothing. I mean, where's Clint, I thought I heard something as well."

" Yeah, I think I heard something, too.. Huh."

Loki shrugged. "Anyway... down to the lab, then?"

"I guess. But why can't you stay here?" Tony looked at him. "You might screw up the thing."

"Nahhh," said Loki. "Besides, I'm sure I could think of something else to demolish if I'm left unsupervised..."

" You can come if you want, I guess," Bruce told him.

Clint quickly made his way to the vents in the lab.

"Fine." Tony sighs. "Just don't screw up the thing."

*now in the lab*

"Wow, Stark, you've got some interesting toys down here..." Loki said, admiring Tony's equipment. "Is that a Christmas tree or an octopus sex machine, I can't tell?"

"Wait...WHATTTTTTT?! ?!" Clint covered his mouth quickly and stared at the scene, wide-eyed.

"W-What? Where did you find that..?" Tony stared at Loki in shock.

"It's just sitting over here in the corner? I wasn't going through your stuff or anything. Of course not."

Bruce was visibly uncomfortable. " Um.. the thing is over here..."

"R-Right. The thing." Tony walked over to the thing. "Right.. See you didn't wire the thing correctly."

" Ohhh. Thank you. And is this part supposed to be loose, because it's jiggling a bit?"

Tony fixed the wires as quickly as possible as to avoid another awkward encounter with Loki. "Oh, that? Not exactly." He proceeds to tighten that part.

"Let's see if this works."

"It seems to be running smoothly now. Thank you, Tony."

" You know, I really think this is a sex machine," Loki continued.

"You're quite welcome Br- LOKI SHUT UP!" Tony Blushed and Stared at Loki in embarrassment.

"Oh shit..." Clint muttered.

" The first time I said it, I actually was joking. But now..." He flipped a switch. "…its use is quite obvious." The tentacles begin to vibrate and thrust. " Furthermore, this seems like the sort of thing that a heterosexual man would not enjoy? Considering heterosexual men do not often enjoy being fucked up the arse?"

"W-Who said It was mine, though? I-It could be.. Steve's...?" Tony replied with uncertainty in his voice.

"I'm just going to go back to what I was doing and ignore this..." Bruce mumbled.

" Steve has Bucky, what does he need a tentacle tree for?" Loki asked.

"OH fuck. OHHH FUCK!" Clint's voice goes very high and singsongy "This is going in my faaaanfiiiccc!"

"I-I DON'T KNOW! REASONS!" Tony's face was completely red. "What would I need it for, huh?"

Loki paused. "I swear I am fucking hearing something. Something about a... mandick? And I don't know, I thought perhaps for relieving your... tension."

"The fuck was that? And what tension? That's what Pepper's for!" Tony argues.

" It sounded strangely like Clint," said Loki. "But why would Clint be singing about a mandick?"

"MANDICK?" Clint whisper-shouted.

" Pepper, as you've noticed, is not currently in the country. Even if she was, I was under the impression that she was not adequate for your sexual needs."

" Clint will be Clint, I guess.. WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN, HUH?" Tony glared at Loki. " You saying Pepper's not good enough for me?"

"...Mandick...? Man...Dick...?" Clint muttered.

" not masculine enough, perhaps..."

"This is so awkward..." mumbled Bruce.

"Loki, SHUT. UP." Tony frowned. "Pepper is perfectly fine with.. Seeing to my.. Needs."

" Are you saying she has a diamond-studded strap on that she uses on you?" Loki asked innocently.

"Are you implying that I-"

"Oh shit," Clint whispered.

"That you like dick? Obviously. It's over, Stark, admit it. You're fucking gay."

"I will NEVER admit it." Tony scoffed. "There's nothing to admit. I'm as straight as they come, Loki."

"LIES!" said Clint.

"Ok, ok. But hypothetically... if you were gay... why would it embarrass you so much? I mean I fucked a horse ONE TIME, and I'm not ashamed of it."

"He WHAT?" Clint said.

" WHAT," said Bruce. He spun around to look at Loki. "I'm sorry, but what?"

"If I WAS gay, do you think I'd be ashamed?" Tony frowns. "And I could care less about the horse. Why it relates to my sexuality, however..."

Loki sighed. "I. Fucked. A. Horse. I had to, it was a distraction. And if you WERE gay, yes, I think you would be ashamed, because it would supposedly imply weakness and femininity, which it does not, but that's the way you think, so yes, I think you would be ashamed."

"Loki's getting all technical up in here! OH SNAP!" Clint muttered.

"You make it seem like you WANT me to be gay, Reindeer Games." Tony smirked.

"And if I did…" Loki stepped closer. "Would that be such a problem? You're nervous, Stark. I can tell. You're backing away from me, you're avoiding eye contact, and those are traits of both nervous people and…. liars..."

Bruce turned back to his project. "Time for me to continue ignoring this..."

" I don't know Who is admitting Who's gay..." Clint mumbled. "Is this a Gay-off?"

"I never said I was nervous, but when a guy gets in my personal space and calls me gay, then yeah, I'll start backing up." Tony sighed. "Sorry man. I told you already, I don't swing that way."

"Of course," Loki smirked. "If you change your mind, Stark, I'll be upstairs, getting some food.." He walked away slowly, making sure to keep Tony's attention centered on his ass.

"I'M NOT GAY!" Tony shouts as he watches Loki leave. mainly focusing on his ass.

"I fucking saw that," Clint said.

" I swear I keep hearing voices," Bruce said.

"Same.." Tony frowns. "H-Hey, um..." He looks at his phone. "Oh..I-I have to go do this thing now.. Sorry Bruce. See ya." Tony slowly makes his way upstairs, wondering if he'll regret it.

"Oh. um, ok. bye, Tony," Bruce said.

"Noooo... You're hearing things Bruuuceeeeeee..." Clint whispered eerily."Noooooooobodyyyyy'sssss heeereeeeee..."

Bruce shivered. "I should really get some sleep, I think the exhaustion is getting to my head..."

Clint giggled childishly.

"Maybe I should get on some meds again or something..."

*in the kitchen*

Tony Finally makes his way to the kitchen, on the intent of getting a drink. "Damn it.."

" Well hello, Tony," Loki purred. "Changed your mind, have we?"

"N-No.. I just..." Tony sighs. " I need a drink." He goes to get himself a glass.

"Should I really...?" Clint muttered from the vents in the lab. "I'm going." Clint goes to the kitchen vents

Loki lingered near Tony, staring intently.

"What..? Don't believe me, Reindeer Games?"

Loki shrugged and inched closer.

Tony backed up as far as he can, until he hits the wall. "W-What are you doing, Loki?"

Loki ignored this, and continued advancing on Stark until he had him cornered.

"The Hell?" He tried to move sideways, out of Loki's reach.

Slowly, Loki snaked his arms around Tony's waist, holding him still

*a few floors below*

Nat walked around the Avengers Tower, looking for Clint. "Where the hell are you?"

"S-Seriously.. What are you doing...?" Tony blushed.

Loki leaned forward, touching his nose to Tony's. " Nothing..."

"SHHHHH!" Clint whispers when Nat neared the kitchen

One of Loki's hands reached upward, burying itself in Tony's hair.

:"Clint! Get the hell out of there!" Nat ordered, hearing Clint in the vents.

Tony's face was completely red.

Loki was now pressed firmly against Tony. Both of them had their eyes closed, and are breathing heavily. their lips only inches apart, and growing closer...

Nat Kicked the vent, making Clint tumble out of it into the kitchen.

Loki jumped back, startled.

"FUCK! OWWW!" Clint cursed, before turning to Nat. "Naaaat... I was about to have awesome fanfic material!"

" Fanfic, what, what's a fanfic?" Loki asked. "I was just about to prove Tony was gay? Why would you do that?"

" THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?!" Tony stared at Clint and Loki, startled.

"NAT DID IT! She kicked me... Ow.." Clint frowned.

" Well, Clint fell out of the vents, just as I was about to kiss you. And you were going to kiss me back, enthusiastically, thus proving yourself gay."

" I wasn't about to do shit!" Tony looked appalled. " The hell are you talking about?"

Loki smirked. "Your lips were like, an inch from mine, Tony. And also, you have a hard on. Again."

"That doesn't prove shit!" Tony blushed. " G-Go away, Clint. Go talk about mandicks with Nat or something."

"MANDICKS?" Clint asked.

"..Man...Dicks..?" Nat echoed.

" Because we all know you love those, don't you Stark?"

"Clint said it. Don't put the blame on me." Tony scoffed. " And NO, I DON'T."

" THEN WHY DO YOU HAVE A HARD ON?"

"THEN WHY ARE YOU STARING AT IT?"

Clint was giggling hysterically.

" BECAUSE MAYBE I LIKE IT, YOU NEVER ANSWERED MY QUESTION."

"I just came in to get a snack and I am honestly feeling so attacked right now..." Bruce mumbled, suddenly in the kitchen.

Clint was crying from laughter at this point.

"M-MAYBE I-" Tony Looked down. "M-Maybe I-I..." He blushed. "MAYBE I LIKE YOU OKAY?" Tony stormed out of the kitchen, heading for his room.

"Holy shit..." Nat breathed out. "What just happened?

" EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH EHEHEHEHE."

"Tony Stark... is gay?" Bruce asked.

"Well," Clint said, done with laughing. He put his hand on Loki's shoulder. "You gonna go get your man or..?"

Loki left the kitchen, following Tony to his room.

" Loki.. Is gay?" Nat asked.

" I mean... he apparently fucked a horse..." Bruce told her.

"HE WHAAAAATTTTT?" Nat stared at Bruce.

"Yeah, I... I don't know either," he replied.

"This is totally going into my fanfic," Clint said.

Tony entered the room, slamming the door shut, and locking it. "S-Stupid Loki.. Oh, fuck it all." Tony sighed. "I'm in love with a goddamn Norse God..." He threw himself onto his bed and stared at his ceiling dejectedly. "Fucking hell..." Tony stood up and paced around his room. "I'm so screwed..."

"Starkkkk," Loki called, knocking on his door. "Unlock the door..."

"Why should I, huh?"

"Why shouldn't you? Are you embarrassed?"

"I... Just..." Tony sighed. "J-Just go away, Loki."

"Tony... Please let me in..."

"If I do... What will you do?" He frowned. "Laugh and say, 'I told you so'?"

"No... come on, I said please," Loki persisted. "I never say please..."

"...True..." Tony sighed. "F-Fine." He unlocked the door and opened it for Loki.

"Where the hell is the light switch? Do you like sitting in the dark?" Loki asked, entering Tony's room. "Nevermind about the light switch. Where are you?"

"... Sitting on the bed... follow the light from the arc reactor," He mumbled. "And yeah. It's what I do when i get upset.. When I can't drink."

Loki felt his way to Tony's bed, trying not to trip over any of the junk on the floor. He sat down, making sure to give Tony a bit of space. "Why are you upset?"

"Why do you think?" Tony frowned. " I just basically made an idiot of myself in front of everyone.. Especially you."

"Because you admitted you liked me? Because you might be gay? That doesn't make you an idiot, Tony."

"To me it does. I'm supposed to be this hotshot, genius, playboy, billionaire, philanthropist. But I just basically screwed that whole deal over."

"Tony..."

"What?"

Loki didn't reply, just moved a few inches closer.

"H-Huh..?"

"What?" Loki asked softly.

"What are you doing..?" Tony asked, blushing.

"Nothing..." he replied, moving over inch by inch until he was right up to Tony's side. Hesitantly, he reached out and lightly grabbed his hand.

Tony looked over at Loki, curious as to what he was going to do.

Loki leaned in close to him and whispers, "You're not an idiot Tony. Well, maybe you are sometimes. But... What I'm trying to say is..."

"...Yeah.?"

"I... I love you."

"L-Loki..." He mumbled. " I-I... I l-love you too..." Tony looks up at Loki.

Loki grasped Tony at the hips and pulled him closer until he was almost on top of him. He held him for a while, running his fingertips along the subtle curve in Tony's waist before reaching up to bury his fingers in his hair, much like how he had earlier.

Tony gasped slightly and blushed at the sudden movement. "Loki..." Tony mumbled, before reaching his hand up to run his fingers through Loki's hair.

"Shh," Loki whispered. "I'm going to kiss you now, ok?"

"O-Okay..." He mumbled and turned red.

Loki cupped Tony's jaw with one hand, the other still lingering on his waist. He moved closer until their noses were touching, and he could feel Tony's breathing, short and uneven, against his cheek.

Tony reached his other hand to Loki's hair, which bunched up in his fingers along with his other hand.

Slowly, softly, almost tenderly, even, Loki pressed his lips to Tony's, feeling the other man shiver beneath him.

It took a second for Tony to register, but as soon as he did he immediately kissed Loki back.

Loki deepened the kiss, forcing Tony against the mattress as he did so. He kissed him desperately, grasping at his hair and his hips and whatever else of him he could reach.

Tony gasped at Loki's force, but smiled into the kiss as he realized he had nothing to worry about.

Clint typed away on his computer, giggling even more with each word he wrote.

Moving away from his mouth, Loki tore off Tony's shirt and began sucking and biting and nibbling all across his shoulders, tracing the arc reactor on his chest. He could feel Tony's hips bucking wildly beneath him, his hard on pressing against Loki's own.

Tony hesitantly reached up to the hem of Loki's shirt, before pulling it off.

Loki trailed a line of kisses down Tony's stomach, going all the way down to his groin, where he undid the zipper with his teeth. He slipped them off, squeezing Tony's ass in the process, before tearing off his boxers as well, freeing his rock hard, aching cock.

Tony did the same to Loki. Tony smirks and puts his hands on Loki's hips.


	2. Chapter 2

"I am going to fuck you so hard Stark, I hope you're ready for this dick," Loki said, motioning to the tiny unicorn that was his penis. What the fuck. Loki has a unicorn for a dick. I haven't slept in 3 days


	3. Chapter 3

Loki flipped Tony over, thrusting a finger up his arse, preparing him. He gradually stuck two more in, with some lube. "Ready?" he asked. "God, yes," Tony moaned, as Loki rubbed the head of his penis and fondled his balls. Loki thrust in, and began pounding Tony into the mattress.

"Well, they're going at it," Bruce said, glancing upwards. A loud thumping could be heard from upstairs

Clint smirked and shut his laptop. " OH MY GODDDDDDD YOU GUYS!" He cheered as he ran into the kitchen. " I FINALLY FINISHED THE FANFIC! READ IT! READ IT, NAT!" Clint shoved the papers in Nat's face.

Nat reads the papers, her face continuing to turn redder with each word she read. "The hell, Clint?"

" Yay, Homosexuals!"

(AN: Again this is a thing I did with one of my friends for laughs, I know it's full of grammar errors and stuff. Sorry.)


End file.
